it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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