Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
