Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
