I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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