please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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