Four minutes until I can fart!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
