i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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