I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it's like iHOP with fire
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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