i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Holy sore nipples Batman
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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