All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
