he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
