I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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