Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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