dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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