so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
