Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
