I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
