but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize