some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
