I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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