I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
