i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
