Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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