he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Couch. On fire.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
