Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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