And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i think i just lost a toe
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
