I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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