in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
