it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
