I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
