Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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