I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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