this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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