On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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