bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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