Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Randomize
