The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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