do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
