why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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