2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
well I can't set my house on fire every night
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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