You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
