Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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