I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There r osticjed everywhere
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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