$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
