I think I died a long time ago.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
accomplished twins. life is a go
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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