his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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