bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
