Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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