So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
