1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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