finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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