my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm just crazy horny about you
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
