Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
