Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You smell like stripper and shame
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
