Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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