did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
