I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He passed out mid-signature
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
