I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
