"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
