i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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