Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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