Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
