There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
