Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
