I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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