What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
