Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
