I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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