So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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