My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize