Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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