So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
