R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
