Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
