Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
soo... how was my night?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
