1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
