i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
