she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
