instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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