then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
