I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
