She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
