Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
