oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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