6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize