I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
