It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
