Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
