let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
