Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
