He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We don't watch enough power rangers
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
