sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
