She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
