when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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