Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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