I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
