Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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