singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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