Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
