Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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