I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
