well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Randomize
